WHAT IS THY DESIRES?
WELL WHAT CAN I SAY
HELL ITS NEVER BEEN SO BUSY.
WELL AS IM SURE YOU ARE ALL NOW WELL AWARE SADAM WAS HERE FOR THE NEW YEARS PARTY.
WHEN HE CAME TO THE PARTY HE KICKED ADOLF IN THE SHINS WHICH WE ALL THOUGHT WAS FUNNY, AS HITLER COULDN'T DO HIS FAVOURITE LITTLE WALK TO TRY AND IMPRESS THE LADIES. THEN SADAM NIPPLE CRIPPLED POL POT, WET WILLIED MAO TSE-TUNG AND WEDGIED GENGHIS KHAN.
WE HAVENT HAD THAT MUCH OF A LAUGH SINCE JOE STALIN AND VLAD TEPES GOT TOGETHER CONVICED POOR TOMAS de TORQUEMADA THAT THIS I WAS ACTUALY RESPONSIBLE FOR CHRISTIAN ROCK. TOMAS WAS RUNNING ABOUT SCREAMING "WHY GOD WHY?", BUT AFTER A WHILE HE REALISED THAT JOE AND VLAD WHERE JOKING.
CHRISTIAN ROCK! WHY WOULD I WANT PEOPLE TO BE SINGING HOW THEY HAVE BEEN TOUCHED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT? SPIRIT TOUCHING SHOULD NEVER BE TAKEN LIGHTLY.
SO DURING MY HOLIDAYS JIMI, ELVIS, BON AND I SPENT A WEEK OF DRINKING AND PURE SIN. IF YOU EVER WANTED TO FIND OUT WHAT KARAOKE IS MENT TO SOUND LIKE YOU MISSED A FEW PURELY FANTASTIC RENDITION OF O' COME ALL YE FAITHFUL MAKES TIWSTED SISTER SOUND LIKE A BUNCH OLD GUYS TRYING TO MAKE A COMEBACK.
REMEMBER THIS I AM THE LORD OF COMEBACKS, NOBODY COMES BACK UNLESS I SAY OR IF THEY DO THEY WILL DISAPEAR FOR A LONG LONG TIME.
WHILE IT WAS NICE TO VISIT UP ON EARTH AGAIN, I REALLY CAN'T SEE MYSELF SETTELING DOWN THERE TO WELL YET. YOUR WORLD ISN'T QUITE READY FOR ME YET, BUT THE TIME WILL COME.
NOW ON TO THE COMMENTS.
it's all about me said...
Lucifer, I've come to you because God has been messing me about. Even worse, he hasn't answered any of my complaints about the quality of service. Jeez, it's worse than dealing with Vodafone customer services. You'd expect a bit more from Heaven, wouldn't you? So, Lucifer, can you please sort me out with a pair of the new season Marc Jacobs knee-high boots, size 5? You know the address. Thanks Lucifer, I know I can rely on you.
DID YOU GET THE BOOTS I SENT YOU, OR THERE IS ANOTHER MERE MORTAL THAT HAS ENJOYED THEIR POWERS?
Spo said...
bon jovi - you as well right?
MY DEAR SPO, THAT WAS TAKEN CARE OF MANY YEARS AGO. HE LIKES A GOOD DRINK AMOUNGST OTHER THINGS STILL.
Goddess said...
WELL, WELL, WELL.. LONG TIME NO SEE LUCY...
HEY LITTLE MISS, YOU KNOW MY NUMBER CALL ME (GOD STILL DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT US)
NWJR said...
Can I get a message to my Uncle? I'm pretty sure he has a room in your fiery mansion.Let me know.
OF COURSE HIS ROOM IS NUMBER 42
HannoverFist said...
Lucifer,You need to shake it up a bit, stoke the coals, light a fire under your ass! Dubya's church is moving faster than yours, and I'm afraid he's gonna take over Hell!! Also, do you guys have popcorn down there?
HANNOVERFIST UNFORTUANTLY BOTH GOD AND I HAVE TRIED SPEAKING TO DUBYA HOWEVER HE IS DEAF AS A POST AND ISNT LISTENING TO EITHER OF US. WHEN EITHER OF US GET THROUGH TO HIM WE WILL ASK HIM IF HE ACTUALY KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING, OR IF HE KNOWS THAT HE IS BREATHING.
AND YES WE HAVE POPCORN DOWN HERE, IT IS THE DEADLY SIN OF ALL MORTALS WITH FILLINGS IN THEIR TEETH.
Freedom Girl said...
Hey Lucy! Funny joke you played on us....Now I'm linking smut via God's blog. You slay me!
TOLD YOU HE IS PERVETED, NOT ONLY IS HE WATCHING YOU ALL THE TIME (EVEN DURING YOUR MOST PRIVATE OF ALL TIMES) HE WANTS YOU TO WATCH ONE OF HIS CHILDREN COME CLOSER AND CLOSER TO MY DOMAIN.
Dr Convolution said...
Yo Lucifer D, got a question for ya- Could I please arrange to sell my soul to you, in exchange for some more sex with my ex girlfriend. I saw her at the beach the other day and she has the best titties I ever seen. Did you send those bulging melons here as an abomination to lead all men into temptation?
DR COLVOLUTION, FOR MAN WAS MADE IN THE IMAGE OF GOD, AND BOTH GOD AND I LIKE BREASTS. I GIVE KUDOS TO GOD FOR THE INITIAL DESIGN, BUT YOU CAN THANK ME FOR THE NIPPLES.
Anonymous said...
Hey satan, its mutterhals and I'm gonna punch your ass out when I get to hell. See you in about 40 years.
MUTTERHALS, ITS NOT REALLY WORTH IT NOW. YOU'RE GOING TO SEE ME ALOT SOONER THAN YOU THINK YOU (FORGOT TO CARRY THE 3. )
Anonymous said...
hey how about a lot of cash sent my way today?In large denomination U.S. bills.let me know what you want in return. blackvioletblackinkatyahoodotcom
SURE WHY NOT GIVE ME YOUR SOUL FIRST THEN WE WILL TALK BUSINESS.
beings of such power should be able to figure out my name, so you tell me-what is my name? said...
So, Lucifer....You were cast from heaven....And now you rule hell with the intent of bringing humanity to the depths of evil, creating chaos and destruction, wreaking havoc on the world, and promoting anything and everything vulgar and obscene along the way, correct?
RIGHT ON THE BALL THERE, BUT I STILL HAVE STANDARDS TO UPHOLD. MANKIND HAS ALREADY STARTED BRINGING DOWN SOCIETY, SO I DON’T WANT TO OVER DO IT YET THERE IS STILL MORE TIME ON THE CLOCK TO GO.
Why is it, then, that you originally wanted to usurp God and prove you were better than him at bringing HAPPINESS to the first couple and all of thier offspring? What made you so bitterly against happiness? Does misery love company so much that you would condemn the world to suffering for your pleasure? Are you that unfeeling?
WHAT DO YOU THINK! GOD DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO MAKE THEM HEALTHY. ANYONES KNOWS THAT AN APPLE A DAY WILL KEEP THE DOCTOR AWAY (ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE A GOOD SHOT). SO THEY LEARN A FEW OTHER THINGS ALONG THE WAY AFTER A GOOD SNACK.
DON’T YOU FEEL HAPPIER WHEN YOU LEARN SOMETHING NEW FOR THE FIRST TIME? DON’T YOU FEEL EVEN BETTER WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOUR NOT MENT TO DO SOMETHING BUT YOU DO IT ANYWAY JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH IT?
THINK ABOUT IT PEOPLE, WHO IS GOD ANYWAY?
I’LL TELL YOU WHO IS HE HIS. HE IS THE ONE WHO DOESN’T GET INVITED TO THE PARTY, COMPLAINS ABOUT THE NOISE ALL NIGHT.
SO THE NEXT TIME YOU HAVE A PARTY YOU INVITE HIM AROUND SO HE DOESN’T COMPLAIN AND HE ENDS UP...
a) THROWING UP ALL OVER YOUR NEW COUCH
b) CRACKING ON TO YOUR PARTNER
c) THROWING UP ALL OVER YOUR PARTNER
d) FALLING ASLEEP ON THE FRONT LAWN, WAKING UP HALF WAY THROUGH THE NIGHT. THEN COMPLAINING ABOUT THE NOISE AND HOW HE CANT SLEEP
And why do you stil go by Lucifer, anyways? I thought Lucifer meant "beloved light of God". You were branded with the triad six on your forehead-or should I say, more correctly, the triad nine-and were refuted as a son of God and renamed Satan, "the Adversary." What compels you to use the name that God bestowed upon you, though you already seem to loathe him and his dedicated followers so much?
COME ON, THE AMOUNT OF POPLE TAKING MY NAME IN VAIN AND USING IT FOR THEIR OWN GAIN. PEOPLE I AM THE DEVIL, I CAN CALL MYSELF ANYNAME I WANT. PLUS WHEN I GO UP TO GIVE GOD A BIT OF A LAUGH AT WHATS GOING ON IN THE WORLD ITS EASIER TO GET PAST SECURITY IF I GO BY THE OLD NAME (SECURITY ISNT THAT SMART WHEREVER YOU ARE)
And, most of all.....Why torment people? What's the point? DOn't you ever get bored? I mean, yeah, it's all fun the first few times you indulge in a bloodbath and feel the hot gore dripping from your teeth as you tear into a fresh-killed mortal, but honestly....I try not to do too much so that I don't get tired of it. You, on the other hand....you must have more ways to keep yourself entertained than mere fundamentally repetitive tasks of inflicting pain. What's your secret?
TORMENTING IS JUST PART OF THE PACKAGE, WOULD YOU RATHER GOD TORMENTED YOU? PLAGES THAT’S ALL HE CAN EVER THINK OF, TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT GOD ITS GETTING OLD.
WEll, that's about it....I think....I might et back to you later. I'd probably join you if I ever died, but as of yet....that remains to be seen. After all, unless immortality means nothing, then it will be quite some time before our first meeting....
WELL YOU’RE ALWAYS MORE THAN WELCOME TO HAVE COME AND HAVE A CHAT JESUS. WE CELEBRATED YOUR BIRTHDAY FOR THE FIRST TIME, SINCE THE NEW ANTI-DISCRIMINATION LAWS CAME IN WE NOW GET THE SAME HOLIDAY. AS YOU KNOW OUR SAYING “WHILE WE DON’T GIVE GIFTS OF JOY, WE PROVIDE ETERNAL DAMNATION WITHOUT RELEIF”
HELL ITS NEVER BEEN SO BUSY.
WELL AS IM SURE YOU ARE ALL NOW WELL AWARE SADAM WAS HERE FOR THE NEW YEARS PARTY.
WHEN HE CAME TO THE PARTY HE KICKED ADOLF IN THE SHINS WHICH WE ALL THOUGHT WAS FUNNY, AS HITLER COULDN'T DO HIS FAVOURITE LITTLE WALK TO TRY AND IMPRESS THE LADIES. THEN SADAM NIPPLE CRIPPLED POL POT, WET WILLIED MAO TSE-TUNG AND WEDGIED GENGHIS KHAN.
WE HAVENT HAD THAT MUCH OF A LAUGH SINCE JOE STALIN AND VLAD TEPES GOT TOGETHER CONVICED POOR TOMAS de TORQUEMADA THAT THIS I WAS ACTUALY RESPONSIBLE FOR CHRISTIAN ROCK. TOMAS WAS RUNNING ABOUT SCREAMING "WHY GOD WHY?", BUT AFTER A WHILE HE REALISED THAT JOE AND VLAD WHERE JOKING.
CHRISTIAN ROCK! WHY WOULD I WANT PEOPLE TO BE SINGING HOW THEY HAVE BEEN TOUCHED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT? SPIRIT TOUCHING SHOULD NEVER BE TAKEN LIGHTLY.
SO DURING MY HOLIDAYS JIMI, ELVIS, BON AND I SPENT A WEEK OF DRINKING AND PURE SIN. IF YOU EVER WANTED TO FIND OUT WHAT KARAOKE IS MENT TO SOUND LIKE YOU MISSED A FEW PURELY FANTASTIC RENDITION OF O' COME ALL YE FAITHFUL MAKES TIWSTED SISTER SOUND LIKE A BUNCH OLD GUYS TRYING TO MAKE A COMEBACK.
REMEMBER THIS I AM THE LORD OF COMEBACKS, NOBODY COMES BACK UNLESS I SAY OR IF THEY DO THEY WILL DISAPEAR FOR A LONG LONG TIME.
WHILE IT WAS NICE TO VISIT UP ON EARTH AGAIN, I REALLY CAN'T SEE MYSELF SETTELING DOWN THERE TO WELL YET. YOUR WORLD ISN'T QUITE READY FOR ME YET, BUT THE TIME WILL COME.
NOW ON TO THE COMMENTS.
it's all about me said...
Lucifer, I've come to you because God has been messing me about. Even worse, he hasn't answered any of my complaints about the quality of service. Jeez, it's worse than dealing with Vodafone customer services. You'd expect a bit more from Heaven, wouldn't you? So, Lucifer, can you please sort me out with a pair of the new season Marc Jacobs knee-high boots, size 5? You know the address. Thanks Lucifer, I know I can rely on you.
DID YOU GET THE BOOTS I SENT YOU, OR THERE IS ANOTHER MERE MORTAL THAT HAS ENJOYED THEIR POWERS?
Spo said...
bon jovi - you as well right?
MY DEAR SPO, THAT WAS TAKEN CARE OF MANY YEARS AGO. HE LIKES A GOOD DRINK AMOUNGST OTHER THINGS STILL.
Goddess said...
WELL, WELL, WELL.. LONG TIME NO SEE LUCY...
HEY LITTLE MISS, YOU KNOW MY NUMBER CALL ME (GOD STILL DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT US)
NWJR said...
Can I get a message to my Uncle? I'm pretty sure he has a room in your fiery mansion.Let me know.
OF COURSE HIS ROOM IS NUMBER 42
HannoverFist said...
Lucifer,You need to shake it up a bit, stoke the coals, light a fire under your ass! Dubya's church is moving faster than yours, and I'm afraid he's gonna take over Hell!! Also, do you guys have popcorn down there?
HANNOVERFIST UNFORTUANTLY BOTH GOD AND I HAVE TRIED SPEAKING TO DUBYA HOWEVER HE IS DEAF AS A POST AND ISNT LISTENING TO EITHER OF US. WHEN EITHER OF US GET THROUGH TO HIM WE WILL ASK HIM IF HE ACTUALY KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING, OR IF HE KNOWS THAT HE IS BREATHING.
AND YES WE HAVE POPCORN DOWN HERE, IT IS THE DEADLY SIN OF ALL MORTALS WITH FILLINGS IN THEIR TEETH.
Freedom Girl said...
Hey Lucy! Funny joke you played on us....Now I'm linking smut via God's blog. You slay me!
TOLD YOU HE IS PERVETED, NOT ONLY IS HE WATCHING YOU ALL THE TIME (EVEN DURING YOUR MOST PRIVATE OF ALL TIMES) HE WANTS YOU TO WATCH ONE OF HIS CHILDREN COME CLOSER AND CLOSER TO MY DOMAIN.
Dr Convolution said...
Yo Lucifer D, got a question for ya- Could I please arrange to sell my soul to you, in exchange for some more sex with my ex girlfriend. I saw her at the beach the other day and she has the best titties I ever seen. Did you send those bulging melons here as an abomination to lead all men into temptation?
DR COLVOLUTION, FOR MAN WAS MADE IN THE IMAGE OF GOD, AND BOTH GOD AND I LIKE BREASTS. I GIVE KUDOS TO GOD FOR THE INITIAL DESIGN, BUT YOU CAN THANK ME FOR THE NIPPLES.
Anonymous said...
Hey satan, its mutterhals and I'm gonna punch your ass out when I get to hell. See you in about 40 years.
MUTTERHALS, ITS NOT REALLY WORTH IT NOW. YOU'RE GOING TO SEE ME ALOT SOONER THAN YOU THINK YOU (FORGOT TO CARRY THE 3. )
Anonymous said...
hey how about a lot of cash sent my way today?In large denomination U.S. bills.let me know what you want in return. blackvioletblackinkatyahoodotcom
SURE WHY NOT GIVE ME YOUR SOUL FIRST THEN WE WILL TALK BUSINESS.
beings of such power should be able to figure out my name, so you tell me-what is my name? said...
So, Lucifer....You were cast from heaven....And now you rule hell with the intent of bringing humanity to the depths of evil, creating chaos and destruction, wreaking havoc on the world, and promoting anything and everything vulgar and obscene along the way, correct?
RIGHT ON THE BALL THERE, BUT I STILL HAVE STANDARDS TO UPHOLD. MANKIND HAS ALREADY STARTED BRINGING DOWN SOCIETY, SO I DON’T WANT TO OVER DO IT YET THERE IS STILL MORE TIME ON THE CLOCK TO GO.
Why is it, then, that you originally wanted to usurp God and prove you were better than him at bringing HAPPINESS to the first couple and all of thier offspring? What made you so bitterly against happiness? Does misery love company so much that you would condemn the world to suffering for your pleasure? Are you that unfeeling?
WHAT DO YOU THINK! GOD DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO MAKE THEM HEALTHY. ANYONES KNOWS THAT AN APPLE A DAY WILL KEEP THE DOCTOR AWAY (ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE A GOOD SHOT). SO THEY LEARN A FEW OTHER THINGS ALONG THE WAY AFTER A GOOD SNACK.
DON’T YOU FEEL HAPPIER WHEN YOU LEARN SOMETHING NEW FOR THE FIRST TIME? DON’T YOU FEEL EVEN BETTER WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOUR NOT MENT TO DO SOMETHING BUT YOU DO IT ANYWAY JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH IT?
THINK ABOUT IT PEOPLE, WHO IS GOD ANYWAY?
I’LL TELL YOU WHO IS HE HIS. HE IS THE ONE WHO DOESN’T GET INVITED TO THE PARTY, COMPLAINS ABOUT THE NOISE ALL NIGHT.
SO THE NEXT TIME YOU HAVE A PARTY YOU INVITE HIM AROUND SO HE DOESN’T COMPLAIN AND HE ENDS UP...
a) THROWING UP ALL OVER YOUR NEW COUCH
b) CRACKING ON TO YOUR PARTNER
c) THROWING UP ALL OVER YOUR PARTNER
d) FALLING ASLEEP ON THE FRONT LAWN, WAKING UP HALF WAY THROUGH THE NIGHT. THEN COMPLAINING ABOUT THE NOISE AND HOW HE CANT SLEEP
And why do you stil go by Lucifer, anyways? I thought Lucifer meant "beloved light of God". You were branded with the triad six on your forehead-or should I say, more correctly, the triad nine-and were refuted as a son of God and renamed Satan, "the Adversary." What compels you to use the name that God bestowed upon you, though you already seem to loathe him and his dedicated followers so much?
COME ON, THE AMOUNT OF POPLE TAKING MY NAME IN VAIN AND USING IT FOR THEIR OWN GAIN. PEOPLE I AM THE DEVIL, I CAN CALL MYSELF ANYNAME I WANT. PLUS WHEN I GO UP TO GIVE GOD A BIT OF A LAUGH AT WHATS GOING ON IN THE WORLD ITS EASIER TO GET PAST SECURITY IF I GO BY THE OLD NAME (SECURITY ISNT THAT SMART WHEREVER YOU ARE)
And, most of all.....Why torment people? What's the point? DOn't you ever get bored? I mean, yeah, it's all fun the first few times you indulge in a bloodbath and feel the hot gore dripping from your teeth as you tear into a fresh-killed mortal, but honestly....I try not to do too much so that I don't get tired of it. You, on the other hand....you must have more ways to keep yourself entertained than mere fundamentally repetitive tasks of inflicting pain. What's your secret?
TORMENTING IS JUST PART OF THE PACKAGE, WOULD YOU RATHER GOD TORMENTED YOU? PLAGES THAT’S ALL HE CAN EVER THINK OF, TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT GOD ITS GETTING OLD.
WEll, that's about it....I think....I might et back to you later. I'd probably join you if I ever died, but as of yet....that remains to be seen. After all, unless immortality means nothing, then it will be quite some time before our first meeting....
WELL YOU’RE ALWAYS MORE THAN WELCOME TO HAVE COME AND HAVE A CHAT JESUS. WE CELEBRATED YOUR BIRTHDAY FOR THE FIRST TIME, SINCE THE NEW ANTI-DISCRIMINATION LAWS CAME IN WE NOW GET THE SAME HOLIDAY. AS YOU KNOW OUR SAYING “WHILE WE DON’T GIVE GIFTS OF JOY, WE PROVIDE ETERNAL DAMNATION WITHOUT RELEIF”
posted by Lucifer at 5:59 AM
0 TOASTED MARSHMALLOWS IN HELL
