Consult Lucifer

WHAT IS THY DESIRES?

2007-01-02T05:59:00.000-08:00

WELL WHAT CAN I SAY

HELL ITS NEVER BEEN SO BUSY.
WELL AS IM SURE YOU ARE ALL NOW WELL AWARE SADAM WAS HERE FOR THE NEW YEARS PARTY.

WHEN HE CAME TO THE PARTY HE KICKED ADOLF IN THE SHINS WHICH WE ALL THOUGHT WAS FUNNY, AS HITLER COULDN'T DO HIS FAVOURITE LITTLE WALK TO TRY AND IMPRESS THE LADIES. THEN SADAM NIPPLE CRIPPLED POL POT, WET WILLIED MAO TSE-TUNG AND WEDGIED GENGHIS KHAN.

WE HAVENT HAD THAT MUCH OF A LAUGH SINCE JOE STALIN AND VLAD TEPES GOT TOGETHER CONVICED POOR TOMAS de TORQUEMADA THAT THIS I WAS ACTUALY RESPONSIBLE FOR CHRISTIAN ROCK. TOMAS WAS RUNNING ABOUT SCREAMING "WHY GOD WHY?", BUT AFTER A WHILE HE REALISED THAT JOE AND VLAD WHERE JOKING.

CHRISTIAN ROCK! WHY WOULD I WANT PEOPLE TO BE SINGING HOW THEY HAVE BEEN TOUCHED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT? SPIRIT TOUCHING SHOULD NEVER BE TAKEN LIGHTLY.

SO DURING MY HOLIDAYS JIMI, ELVIS, BON AND I SPENT A WEEK OF DRINKING AND PURE SIN. IF YOU EVER WANTED TO FIND OUT WHAT KARAOKE IS MENT TO SOUND LIKE YOU MISSED A FEW PURELY FANTASTIC RENDITION OF O' COME ALL YE FAITHFUL MAKES TIWSTED SISTER SOUND LIKE A BUNCH OLD GUYS TRYING TO MAKE A COMEBACK.

REMEMBER THIS I AM THE LORD OF COMEBACKS, NOBODY COMES BACK UNLESS I SAY OR IF THEY DO THEY WILL DISAPEAR FOR A LONG LONG TIME.

WHILE IT WAS NICE TO VISIT UP ON EARTH AGAIN, I REALLY CAN'T SEE MYSELF SETTELING DOWN THERE TO WELL YET. YOUR WORLD ISN'T QUITE READY FOR ME YET, BUT THE TIME WILL COME.

NOW ON TO THE COMMENTS.

it's all about me said...
Lucifer, I've come to you because God has been messing me about. Even worse, he hasn't answered any of my complaints about the quality of service. Jeez, it's worse than dealing with Vodafone customer services. You'd expect a bit more from Heaven, wouldn't you? So, Lucifer, can you please sort me out with a pair of the new season Marc Jacobs knee-high boots, size 5? You know the address. Thanks Lucifer, I know I can rely on you.

DID YOU GET THE BOOTS I SENT YOU, OR THERE IS ANOTHER MERE MORTAL THAT HAS ENJOYED THEIR POWERS?

Spo said...
bon jovi - you as well right?
MY DEAR SPO, THAT WAS TAKEN CARE OF MANY YEARS AGO. HE LIKES A GOOD DRINK AMOUNGST OTHER THINGS STILL.

Goddess said...
WELL, WELL, WELL.. LONG TIME NO SEE LUCY...
HEY LITTLE MISS, YOU KNOW MY NUMBER CALL ME (GOD STILL DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT US)

NWJR said...
Can I get a message to my Uncle? I'm pretty sure he has a room in your fiery mansion.Let me know.
OF COURSE HIS ROOM IS NUMBER 42

HannoverFist said...
Lucifer,You need to shake it up a bit, stoke the coals, light a fire under your ass! Dubya's church is moving faster than yours, and I'm afraid he's gonna take over Hell!! Also, do you guys have popcorn down there?
HANNOVERFIST UNFORTUANTLY BOTH GOD AND I HAVE TRIED SPEAKING TO DUBYA HOWEVER HE IS DEAF AS A POST AND ISNT LISTENING TO EITHER OF US. WHEN EITHER OF US GET THROUGH TO HIM WE WILL ASK HIM IF HE ACTUALY KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING, OR IF HE KNOWS THAT HE IS BREATHING.
AND YES WE HAVE POPCORN DOWN HERE, IT IS THE DEADLY SIN OF ALL MORTALS WITH FILLINGS IN THEIR TEETH.

Freedom Girl said...
Hey Lucy! Funny joke you played on us....Now I'm linking smut via God's blog. You slay me!

TOLD YOU HE IS PERVETED, NOT ONLY IS HE WATCHING YOU ALL THE TIME (EVEN DURING YOUR MOST PRIVATE OF ALL TIMES) HE WANTS YOU TO WATCH ONE OF HIS CHILDREN COME CLOSER AND CLOSER TO MY DOMAIN.

Dr Convolution said...
Yo Lucifer D, got a question for ya- Could I please arrange to sell my soul to you, in exchange for some more sex with my ex girlfriend. I saw her at the beach the other day and she has the best titties I ever seen. Did you send those bulging melons here as an abomination to lead all men into temptation?

DR COLVOLUTION, FOR MAN WAS MADE IN THE IMAGE OF GOD, AND BOTH GOD AND I LIKE BREASTS. I GIVE KUDOS TO GOD FOR THE INITIAL DESIGN, BUT YOU CAN THANK ME FOR THE NIPPLES.

Anonymous said...
Hey satan, its mutterhals and I'm gonna punch your ass out when I get to hell. See you in about 40 years.

MUTTERHALS, ITS NOT REALLY WORTH IT NOW. YOU'RE GOING TO SEE ME ALOT SOONER THAN YOU THINK YOU (FORGOT TO CARRY THE 3. )

Anonymous said...
hey how about a lot of cash sent my way today?In large denomination U.S. bills.let me know what you want in return. blackvioletblackinkatyahoodotcom

SURE WHY NOT GIVE ME YOUR SOUL FIRST THEN WE WILL TALK BUSINESS.

beings of such power should be able to figure out my name, so you tell me-what is my name? said...

So, Lucifer....You were cast from heaven....And now you rule hell with the intent of bringing humanity to the depths of evil, creating chaos and destruction, wreaking havoc on the world, and promoting anything and everything vulgar and obscene along the way, correct?

RIGHT ON THE BALL THERE, BUT I STILL HAVE STANDARDS TO UPHOLD. MANKIND HAS ALREADY STARTED BRINGING DOWN SOCIETY, SO I DON’T WANT TO OVER DO IT YET THERE IS STILL MORE TIME ON THE CLOCK TO GO.

Why is it, then, that you originally wanted to usurp God and prove you were better than him at bringing HAPPINESS to the first couple and all of thier offspring? What made you so bitterly against happiness? Does misery love company so much that you would condemn the world to suffering for your pleasure? Are you that unfeeling?

WHAT DO YOU THINK! GOD DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO MAKE THEM HEALTHY. ANYONES KNOWS THAT AN APPLE A DAY WILL KEEP THE DOCTOR AWAY (ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE A GOOD SHOT). SO THEY LEARN A FEW OTHER THINGS ALONG THE WAY AFTER A GOOD SNACK.

DON’T YOU FEEL HAPPIER WHEN YOU LEARN SOMETHING NEW FOR THE FIRST TIME? DON’T YOU FEEL EVEN BETTER WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOUR NOT MENT TO DO SOMETHING BUT YOU DO IT ANYWAY JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH IT?

THINK ABOUT IT PEOPLE, WHO IS GOD ANYWAY?

I’LL TELL YOU WHO IS HE HIS. HE IS THE ONE WHO DOESN’T GET INVITED TO THE PARTY, COMPLAINS ABOUT THE NOISE ALL NIGHT.

SO THE NEXT TIME YOU HAVE A PARTY YOU INVITE HIM AROUND SO HE DOESN’T COMPLAIN AND HE ENDS UP...

a) THROWING UP ALL OVER YOUR NEW COUCH
b) CRACKING ON TO YOUR PARTNER
c) THROWING UP ALL OVER YOUR PARTNER
d) FALLING ASLEEP ON THE FRONT LAWN, WAKING UP HALF WAY THROUGH THE NIGHT. THEN COMPLAINING ABOUT THE NOISE AND HOW HE CANT SLEEP

And why do you stil go by Lucifer, anyways? I thought Lucifer meant "beloved light of God". You were branded with the triad six on your forehead-or should I say, more correctly, the triad nine-and were refuted as a son of God and renamed Satan, "the Adversary." What compels you to use the name that God bestowed upon you, though you already seem to loathe him and his dedicated followers so much?

COME ON, THE AMOUNT OF POPLE TAKING MY NAME IN VAIN AND USING IT FOR THEIR OWN GAIN. PEOPLE I AM THE DEVIL, I CAN CALL MYSELF ANYNAME I WANT. PLUS WHEN I GO UP TO GIVE GOD A BIT OF A LAUGH AT WHATS GOING ON IN THE WORLD ITS EASIER TO GET PAST SECURITY IF I GO BY THE OLD NAME (SECURITY ISNT THAT SMART WHEREVER YOU ARE)

And, most of all.....Why torment people? What's the point? DOn't you ever get bored? I mean, yeah, it's all fun the first few times you indulge in a bloodbath and feel the hot gore dripping from your teeth as you tear into a fresh-killed mortal, but honestly....I try not to do too much so that I don't get tired of it. You, on the other hand....you must have more ways to keep yourself entertained than mere fundamentally repetitive tasks of inflicting pain. What's your secret?

TORMENTING IS JUST PART OF THE PACKAGE, WOULD YOU RATHER GOD TORMENTED YOU? PLAGES THAT’S ALL HE CAN EVER THINK OF, TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT GOD ITS GETTING OLD.

WEll, that's about it....I think....I might et back to you later. I'd probably join you if I ever died, but as of yet....that remains to be seen. After all, unless immortality means nothing, then it will be quite some time before our first meeting....

WELL YOU’RE ALWAYS MORE THAN WELCOME TO HAVE COME AND HAVE A CHAT JESUS. WE CELEBRATED YOUR BIRTHDAY FOR THE FIRST TIME, SINCE THE NEW ANTI-DISCRIMINATION LAWS CAME IN WE NOW GET THE SAME HOLIDAY. AS YOU KNOW OUR SAYING “WHILE WE DON’T GIVE GIFTS OF JOY, WE PROVIDE ETERNAL DAMNATION WITHOUT RELEIF”

Quick Catch Up

2005-09-21T02:24:00.000-07:00

GOOD EVENING TO ALL, JUST A QUICK UPDATE ON THE LAST QUESTIONS.

Big-n-Sexy Black Goddess said...

Sounds like the Church of Satan is hiding behind their lawyers. Speaking of, if one becomes a lawyer is there a higher probability of ending up in hell? Does career choice have a factor in your placement in hell? Of course professional hit people have a straight one way ticket but what about the "normal" careers?

As for the timeshare talks, you might not ask for halo tossing and feather plucking. I heard the angels are quite picky on who "plucks" their feathers.

Oh yeah do you have a special place for spamers like this?

BIG-N-SEXY BLACK GODDESS

AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED ANY LAWYER THAT IS NOT WORKING FOR THE GENERAL GOOD OF THE WORLD/PEOPLE IS GOING TO HELL, NO MATTER WHO THEY ARE. AS FOR SPAMMERS THEY ARE ALWAYS GOING TO END UP HERE AS NO MATTER WHAT: THEY ARE ETERNALLY DAMMED

Spo said...

suppose so - you got me

christian rock sucks giant ass and punishes the majority who hear it - therefore I figured as it brings pain and suffering to most folk it must be your doing.

It would be ironic if it was.

SPO CHRISTIAN ROCK WELL YOU HAVE FOUND OUT ONE OF MY LITTLE SECRETS. AFTER AN ARGUMENT WITH GOD, I HAD A BET THAT I COULD PERVERT THE CHRISTIAN FAITH IN MANY WAYS. I DISCOVERED THAT IF YOU GET A SMALL GROUP OF GOD LOVING INDIVIDUALS GIVE THEM A 8 STRING GUITAR. THEY WOULD START TO SING AND DANCE ABOUT LOVING THE LORD, EVENTUALLY THE MASSES WILL REVOLT.

dan said...

thanks lucifer.

it's good to know on my timeshare holidays to heaven i might be allowed to pluck angel's wings.

with all the junk food i'm eating at the momnet, i expect to join you any time soon. please don't give me an exact date as i'd like it to be a surprise.

DAN YOU WILL BE ABLE TO PLUCK AS MANY WINGS AS YOU’D LIKE (BUT I WONT LET YOU KNOW THAT YOU SHOULDN’T GO AND BUY A NEW PAIR OF SHOES)

Freedom Girl said...

Hey, Lucifer...

Its been awhile, just thought I'd check in.

Btw, the church of Satan for atheists? Don't they even understand the definition of atheism? It means we don't believe...PERIOD. In God or the Devil....

Sorry to break it to ya that way.

GOOD EVENING FREEDOM GIRL I UNDERSTAND THAT THE CHURCH OF SATAN IS FOR ATHEISTS, BUT WONT YOU ALL FEEL A BIT SILLY WHEN WE ALL MEET AT THE END. HOWEVER IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN EITHER GOD OR MYSELF: WHY ARE YOU POSTING ON EITHER OF OUR SITES? DON’T YOU BELIEVE THAT WE ARE THE REAL THING?

LX Industries said...

I WANNA GO TO HELL TOOOO!

Please?

LX INDUSTRIES IT DEPENDS ON HOW YOU ACT IN THIS WORLD AND THE PRESENT WAY YOU TREAT PEOPLE; BUT THERE IS A LOOP HOLE: IF YOU ACT NICE TO EVERYONE NOW, JUST BEFORE THE BIG FINALLY JUST RENOUNCE A FAITH. YOU’LL COME STRAIGHT TO ME, NO PROBLEMS.

GW said...

I was wondering.... does Hell have any loyalty bonus scheme like Air Miles or something?

My friend and I were having a discussion about why naturists still feel warm on a cold day.
We were wondering, which is better? Red hot coals or microwave heated wheatbags?
Yours,
GW.

GW HELL HAS MANY LOYALTY SCHEMES HOW DO YOU THINK THAT I COULD ARRANGE THE TIMESHARES? THE OTHER OPTIONS THAT I OFFER;

GET OUT OF THE FIRE.

SPEND A DAY ON EARTH.

AS FOR THE NATURISTS WELL THEY SPEND THEIR TIME BASKING IN THE SUN OR GETTING VERY CLOSE TO EACH OTHER . FORNICATORS USUALLY GO TO HELL, OR WAS THAT WHAT MY LAST PARTNER SAID TO ME. WHILE WHEAT BAGS ARE INTERESTING BUT THE RED HOT COALS TEND TO SOUND HEAPS BETTER.

HannoverFist said...

What gives Dark One? I'm a pretty hoopy frood, but my blog doesn't see much traffic. Would it be better if reading my blog were, in some direct way, involved with going to Hell? I think so, but I'm not sure how to go about that. Any ideas?

HANNOVERFIST, ANYWAY THAT YOU CAN THINK ABOUT GETTING INTO HELL OR ASSOCIATING WITH ME. COULD EARN YOU THE RIGHT TO GET INTO HELL.

CHURCHES

2005-08-03T20:23:00.000-07:00

I HAVE HEARD OF PEOPLE GOING TO PRAISE ME, BUT I BELIEVE THIS IS GOING TOO FAR

I DON’T MIND MORTALS ASKING FOR FAVOURS FROM ME. BUT STARTING A CHURCH IN MY NAME ISN’T THAT A BIT OF AN OXYMORON THING TO DO?

THE CHURCH OF SATAN IS AN ATHEIST ORGANIZATION THAT PROMOTES SATANISM AS STRICTLY DEFINED BY THE SATANIC BIBLE, ANTON SZANDOR LAVEY. IT DRAWS ITS NAME FROM THE ISLAMIC-CHRISTIAN CONCEPT OF SATAN, AND CLAIMS THAT EVERY INDIVIDUAL CAN BE HIS OR HER OWN GOD AND IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER OWN DESTINY.

THE CHURCH OF SATAN DOES NOT HAVE OR DESIRE TAX-EXEMPT STATUS. AS PART OF WHAT IT REFERS TO AS PENTAGONAL REVISIONISM THE CHURCH OF SATAN IS ACTIVELY WORKING TOWARDS TAXATION OF ALL CHURCHES, AND TRIES TO PUT FORTH A POLICY OF "RESPONSIBILITY TO THE RESPONSIBLE". IT NEITHER SOLICITS MEMBERSHIP NOR OFFERS A SET COURSE OF DEGREES. IN THE PAST PARENTAL CONSENT WAS REQUIRED FOR PERSONS UNDER 18 TO JOIN; HOWEVER THE CHURCH OF SATAN CURRENTLY ACCEPTS REGISTRATIONS FROM PEOPLE OF ALL AGES. NONETHELESS, MEMBER-TO-MEMBER INTERACTION THROUGH ACTIVE MEMBERSHIP STATUS STILL REQUIRES THAT THE APPLICANT BE 18. MEMBERS ARE INSTRUCTED TO FOLLOW THE LAWS AND STATUTES OF THEIR COUNTRY AND MUNICIPALITY.

THE CHURCH OF SATAN DOES NOT RECOGNIZE ANY OTHER ORGANIZATIONS AS HOLDING LEGITIMATE CLAIM TO SATANISM AND ITS PRACTICE, THOUGH IT DOES RECOGNIZE THAT ONE NEED NOT BE A MEMBER OF THE CHURCH OF SATAN TO BE A SATANIST.

AS THE CHURCH OF SATAN DOES NOT PUBLICLY RELEASE MEMBERSHIP INFORMATION, IT IS NOT KNOWN HOW MANY MEMBERS BELONG TO THE CHURCH.

I WAS BANISHED FROM HEAVEN MANY YEARS AGO NOT JUST FOR SAYING THE LORDS NAME IN VAIN EITHER.

NOW ON TO THE QUESTIONS:

Big-n-Sexy Black Goddess said...

Dang I feel torn between heaven and hell.. I like watering plants but I like twisted stuff too.

dan said...

i've yet to consult god on this, but was wondering if i could have timeshare holidays to heaven should i come to hell after i've shuffled off this mortal coil.

BIG-N-SEXY BLACK GODDESS & DAN I SHALL RECOMMENCE DISCUSSIONS WITH GOD TO SEE IF HE WOULD LIKE TO START UP THE TIMESHARE OPTIONS AGAIN. ALL I REQUESTED IS THAT WE BE ALLOWED TO PLAY FREEBIE WITH HALOS, PLUCK ANGEL WINGS YOU KNOW THE USUAL GAMES.

Salem Watchen said...

I believe debauchery is spelled d-e-b-a-u-c-h-e-r-y.

BTW, how's old Dick Nixon doing these days?

SALEM WATCHEN AS I MENTIONED THERE ARE MORE THAN ONE WAYS TO SKIN A CAT (BUT MOST OF THEM ARE TOO GORY TO TALK ABOUT. ALSO GOOD OLD RICHARD WAVED HELLO, EVER SINCE HE SAID THAT HE WASN’T A CROOK. I HAD IS MOUTH SEWN SHUT YOU SHOULD SEE HIM NOW, HE TENDS TO HAVE US IN STICHES...

eric said...

lucy, if you're interested in a compelling take from a human author on how hell might not be such a bad place, check out robert heinlein's "JOB: A Comedy of Justice."

Eric I will have to update my library and get a copy.

HannoverFist said...

I think Hell is the place for me! I not one to consider himself a bad person, but I like to indulge in things that the Guy Upstairs would most likely frown upon... plus it's such a turn on to know he's watching. I should probably get medieval on my wife soon...

GOD'S BLOG AND GUY UPSTAIRS (NOTICE THAT HE HAS A SPLIT PERSONALITY) FROWN UPON MANY THINGS, JUST NO SENSE OF HUMOUR AT ALL. AS FOR HIM WATCHING… WELL I DON’T PEER OVER YOUR SHOULDER EVERY SECOND, JUST WHEN YOU THINK OF DOING SOMETHING “NAUGHTY”.

Spo said...

Hi Lucifer - bit of a girls name that?

also what's on the devils jukebox these days? are you responsible for christian rock in an attempt to punish us all for liking Jimi Hendrix or is this God's work?

SPO THOU ART WALKING A FINE LINE MY FRIEND. I COULD ASK WHAT TYPE OF NAME IS SPO (SHORT FOR SUPPOSE SO?)

CHRISTIAN ROCK! WHY WOULD I WANT PEOPLE TO BE SINGING HOW THEY HAVE BEEN TOUCHED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT? SPIRIT TOUCHING SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN LIGHTLY. JIMI, MONKIA, ELVIS, BON AND I SPENT A WEEK OF DRINKING AND PURE DEBAUCHERY

TFS said...

Fine, ignore my questions. Prick.

:op

AS FOR YOU THAT FILTHY SPRINGBOK YOU NEED TO SPEAK UP AND BE HEARD. I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOUR DESIRE FOR A NURSE. I SHALL TRY AND GET A NUMBER FOR YOU…

2005-07-26T21:20:00.000-07:00

IT HAS BEEN SOME TIME SINCE I LAST POSTED. I HAVE BEEN VISITING SOME OF YOUR LEADERS, MY ONLY MISTAKE WAS THAT SOME PHOTOGRAPHER TOOK A PHOTO AND I WASN’T QUICK ENOUGH TO MOVE OUT OF THE WAY.

I ALSO SPENT SOME TIME WATCHING JERRY SPRINGER IT IS ALWAYS GOOD TO MEET THE PEOPLE THAT WILL BE JOINING ME FOR ETERNITY

HANNOVERFIST ASKED ME SOME GOOD QUESTIONS.

It's been a while since I've posted, not to say I don't like you. You'z da fire in da cracker, but I've been stoking plenty of my own inner demons that I suppose I've been pacified.

So, I'm wondering - do you hate it when people don't like you, or think that Hell is a bum deal? Or do you like that?Anyhoo, cheers!

You'z da mista in ma sista... bastard.

I UNDERSTAND THAT PEOPLE DON’T LIKE ME, BUT AT THE SAME TIME ITS USUALLY THE ONES THAT REALLY DON’T LIKE ME ARE SCARED OF ME.

HELL IS NOT A BUM DEAL THINK OF IT THIS WAY:

HEAVEN IS FOR THOSE TYPES OF PEOPLE THAT LIKE DOING GOOD THINGS, LIKE WATERING PLANTS, BEING NICE TO PEOPLE, LIVING WITHOUT ANY SENSE OF SIN (AND IN MANY CASES FUN) AND THOSE WHO LIKE THE CRAZY FROG – AXEL F. TUNE…

WHILE HELL IS FOR THE TYPES OF PEOPLE THAT LIKE TO: ENJOY THE DARKER SIDES OF LIFE, THOSE WHO ENJOY DRINKING, ALL YOUR SICK, TWISTED, TALES OF DECEIT AND DEBORTUARY, ADD IN THE ODD ROMANCE AND THERE YOU HAVE IT HELL IN A NUTSHELL.

AS FOR BEING THE MISTA IN YOUR SISTA… WELL WHAT CAN I SAY I’M THE DEVIL

QUESTIONS

2005-07-09T19:37:00.000-07:00

DLAK said...

Lucifer; If your father is God who is your mother?
Also; Do you think God was trying to be funny when he created women?

DLAK

WHILE GOD IS INDEED MY FATHER I HAVE NO MOTHER. IF YOU LOOKED AT MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE IT STATES CLEARLY:
CREATOR - GOD

I TEND TO REFER TO THE EARTH AS MY MOTHER THOUGH, AS WE WHERE ALL MADE OUT OF CLAY. I JUST PREFERRED TO LIVE IN THE FURNACE AFTER A WHILE.

AS FOR YOUR COMMENT ABOUT WOMEN...

WELL IT HAS BEEN WELL KNOWN THAT GOD HAS A SENSE OF HUMOUR. FOR I KNOW OF A JOKE THAT WILL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING:

MAN "GOD I'M FEELING VERY LONELY, CANT YOU CREATE A COMPANION?"

GOD "YES MY CHILD, I WILL CREATE A BEING THAT WILL CARE FOR YOU WHEN YOU ARE ILL. COOK FOR YOU, TIDY FOR YOU, EVERY SEXUAL DESIRE WILL BE MET WHENEVER YOU NEED. IT WILL BE A PERFECT MATE FOR YOU."

MAN "SOUNDS GREAT OH LORD, WHAT WILL IT COST ME?"

GOD "AN ARM AND A LEG"

MAN "STUFF THAT, WHAT CAN I GET FOR A COUPLE OF RIBS?"

SO GOD CREATED WOMAN...

THERE IS A LESSON TO BE LEARNED THERE.
MAN DIDN'T NEED TWO ARMS AND LEGS, THE PERFECT BEING WOULD HAVE DONE IT ALL FOR HIM... THATS WHAT MAN DESERVED FOR BEING CHEAP. SO YOU SEE GOD DOES HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOUR

FOR HAYLEY

2005-06-26T00:17:00.000-07:00

something i thought might be fun to steal...

1. Reply and I'll write something about you.
2. I will then tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I will say something that only makes sense to you and me.
4. I will tell you my first memory of you.
5. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
6. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
7. Then post this in your own journal...

A CURSE APON THEM

2005-06-25T13:57:00.000-07:00

ANY COMPANY THAT FORCES REDUNDANCY ON ANY EMPLOYEE SHALL HAVE THE PEOPLE WHO MADE THE ORIGINAL DECISION BURNED IN THE FIRES OF HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY.

THE MEEK MAY INHERIT THE EARTH BUT I SHALL INHERIT THE LOWLY SNIVELING PIECES OF SPUTUM FLOATING IN THE TOILET BOWL OF THEIR EXISTENCE, WHICH THEY CALL LIFE.

A CURSE BE ON THEM, THEY SHALL NOT BE SPARED OF PAIN, FOR THEY ARE THE DAMMED.

WHAT IS GOING ON IN AUSTRALIA?

2005-06-02T07:10:00.000-07:00

THE VICTORIAN GOVERNMENT HAS FOUND AN ENVIRONMENTAL CONSCIENCE “VERTICAL BURIAL”

THAT’S RIGHT IF YOU WANT TO BE BURIED STANDING UP GO AND DIE IN DARLINGTON, VICTORIA, IT WILL ONLY COST YOU $1000! YOU WONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT A COFFIN, YOU WILL BE IN A BODY BAG!

IN ORDER TO REDUCE COSTS THE GOVERNMENT HAS APPROVED THIS TO CUT ONGOING MAINTENANCE COTS, SAVE ON NATURAL GAS (IT TAKES ABOUT 90KG OF GAS TO CREMATE A HUMAN) AND ONLY TAKE 15 CORPSES AT A TIME TO THE CEMETERY!

ONCE THE LAND HAS BEEN DEEMED STABLE CATTLE WILL BE FREE TO GRAZE APON THE LAND.

NOW DEATH IN MY EYES IS A SACRED ISSUE NOT TO BE TOYED WITH LIGHTLY. WHEN MAN FIRST STARTED TO BURY THEIR DEAD, THEY BEGAN BY PLACING THE BODY IN THE GRAVE IN EITHER OF TWO FORMALISED WAYS; THE FLEXED, OR 'FOETAL' POSITION; OR THE EXTENDED, OR RECUMBENT POSITION. THIS WAS DONE, AS THESE POSITIONS ARE A POSITION OF REST FOR THE FINAL PEACE. MAN DID NOT JUST CRAM THE BODIES INTO HOLES AND COVER THEM OVER.

REMEMBER YOU HAVE A CHOICE TO BE BURIED OR CREMATED THAT IS A CHOICE FOR YOU TO TELL YOUR LOVED ONES. DO YOU WANT TO BE STANDING UP OR BE TAKEN CARE OF IN THE TRADITIONAL WAYS? ESPECIALLY IF YOU LIVE IN VICTORIA.

NAME THAT PERSON

2005-05-24T01:05:00.000-07:00

WELL I HAVE TOLD YOU SOME OF THE PEOPLE THAT I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR NEW POPE WILLIAM SHATTNER, AND RON HITTLER BRASSI.

TFS HAS FOUND OUT ANOTHER OF MY SECRETS, DAVID HASSOLHOFF

NOW AS MUCH AS I KEEP OFFERING HIM MY HELP IN YOUR MORTAL WORLD, HE WONT TAKE IT ALL THE TIME. EVER SINCE THE EARLY EIGHTIES WHEN I HELPED HIM GET THE SECOND LEAD ROLE IN A KNIGHT RIDER, HIS CAR KIT WAS A BETTER ACTOR THOUGH. HE THEN THOUGHT THAT HE DIDN’T NEED MY HELP, A FEW CAMEOS IN A FEW MINOR PROGRAMS MOVIES, HE FINALLY ASKED FOR MY HELP AGAIN. SO I HAD THE TELEVISION SHOW, BAYWATCH, CREATED SO HIS ACTING SKILLS WOULDN’T BE OUTSHONE, DUE TO THE LARGE AMOUNT OF BREASTS. THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN HE DOESN’T WANT MY HELP AGAIN, AND STARTS TALKING TO CLIFF AGAIN… NOW CHECK OUT HIS SCHEDULE…

(HTTP://WWW.DAVIDHASSELHOFF.COM/DAVIDNEWS.HTML)

IF YOU THINK THAT I HAVE "HELPED" OTHER PEOPLE, ASK ME I AM MORE THAN WILLING TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR QUESTIONS.

BY THE WAY LITTLE H A L E Y AS I HAVE STATED ON GOD’S BLOG I AM NOT IN CONTROL OF THE TAXI SERVICES.

AFTER CONSULTING WITH MY MINIONS I FOUND OUT THAT THE TAXIS ARE CONTROLLED BY THE REAPERS. THIS EXPLAINS WHY A LOT OF PEOPLE FEEL LIKE THEY ARE GOING TO DIE IN TAXIS, AND WHY THEY CHARGE AN EXTRAORDINARY AMOUNT OF MONEY JUST TO DRIVE YOU FIVE MILES DOWN THE ROAD.

SO DO YOU WANT TO HAVE A GO THEN

2005-05-24T00:34:00.000-07:00

I TRIED BEING NICE TO YOU ALL. I WILL TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR PAIN. YOU HAD BETTER START ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS FROM GOD BEFORE I TAKE YOUR SOULS.

Freedom Girl said... Who'da thunk that Lucifer was such a geek?!

FREEDOM GIRL: THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS SUCH AT TERRIBLE THING TO WASTE. I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR AMERICANISMS SHOW TOO EASILY BUT AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO SPELL OR EVEN USE BASIC GRAMMAR WHEN YOU WRITE.

TFS said... Lucy is queen of the geeks!

TFS: I’M NOT SURE IF YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MALE AND FEMALES YET, BUT I CAN GUARANTEE THAT I CAN’T BE A QUEEN. FOR MY QUEEN MARILYN MONROE WOULD BE DISTURBED TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT, SHE HAS A DARKER TEMPER THAN ME.

ozbhoy said... Not so much the dark side, more like the dork side.Lucy you dweeb.

OZBHOY: I AM DISAPPOINTED IN YOUR REACTION, I WAS HOPING THAT YOU COULD SEE THAT I TEND TO SEARCH YOUR INTERNET TO FIND NEW AND STRANGE THINGS. I COULD MENTION BEAUTIFUL AGONY WAS A STRANGE THING TO GET YOUR KICKS OFF TO WATCH…. BUT I WILL BE NICE THIS TIME

Go to the dark side

2005-05-17T04:04:00.000-07:00

IT DIDNT TAKE LONG FOR THE DARK SIDE OF THE FORCE TO RELEASE A SONG.
IT IS YOURS TO ENJOY

BLOGGER & THE POPE v2

2005-05-13T07:30:00.000-07:00

HANNOVERFIST I HAVE REPUBLISHED MY BLOG AND I SHALL UNLEASH A FURY APON BLOGGER STAFF FOR THEIR LACK OF PROVIDING A SYSTEM THAT CAN COPE. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE FOR AN INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDER.

AS FOR TFS I HAVE VISITED YOUR SITE AND I AM QUITE WELL AWARE OF WHO YOU ARE, WHAT YOU DO AND WHERE YOU LIVE AS WELL. BUT KNOW THIS I AM NOT SURPRISED YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE, FOR I HAVE MENTIONED IT BEFORE WHEN HANNOVERFIST ASKED ME ABOUT LIVING IN THE SEVENTH LAYER OF ANTARCTICA.

HTTP://KHAAAN.COM
SEND YOUR NEW POPE TO ME; FOR IT HAS BEEN AWHILE SINCE WILLIAM AND I HAD A DECENT CHAT. HE ASKED IF I COULD HEP HIM PURSUE A SINGING CAREER, WHICH I OBLIGINGLY GAVE HIM THE OPPORTUNITY.

FOR IT HAS BEEN MY PLOY SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME TO HAVE TWO PEOPLE IN THE CHURCH TO AID ME IN MY GOAL.

THE TWO PEOPLE I SPEAK OF ARE; WILLIAM SHATTNER, AND RON HITTLER BARASSI. YES YOUR NEW POPE AND THE GRAND HIGH CARDINAL OF HOLY VENGEANCE

DO YOU NOT THINK IT STRANGE WHY YOUR GOD WOULD CHOOSE THE TITLE HOLY VENGEANCE?

FOR MANY WARS HAVE BEEN STARTED BY ONES PERCEPTION OF RELIGION. THE GREATEST TIME THAT I WAS INVOLVED IN THE SHEBANG IT STARTED THE CRUSADES. ALL THOSE PEOPLE KILLING ONE ANOTHER IN THE NAME OF THEIR LORD.

THINK ABOUT IT PEOPLE, IF YOUR LORD COMMANDS: THOU SHALL NOT KILL. WHY WOULD HE ASK YOU TO KILL THOUSANDS OF THE INNOCENT?

IF YOU CAN GIVE ME A CLEAR UNDERSTANDING OF THIS BY ALL MEANS DO SO.

FEAR ME NOT

2005-05-07T23:44:00.000-07:00

I SENCE FEAR AMONGST THE MORTALS

FEAR ME NOT, I AM ONLY FINDING OUT WHAT MAKES YOU ALL MORE HUMAN BY READING ABOUT WHAT YOU FEEL, THINK AND WANT.

I DO NOT WANT ANYMORE SOULS, FOR I HAVE ALREADY REACHED MY QUOTA FOR THIS YEAR.

WISHING YOU ALL MANY EVIL THOUGHTS.

LUCIFER

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY
IF I HAVE LEARN'T SOMETHING FROM YOUR ENTERTAINMENT SOURCE (TV) IT IS THIS:

WORK HARD, AND BE GOOD TO YOUR MOTHER.

ANONYMOUS SAID...

2005-05-04T03:15:00.000-07:00

Anonymous said...
Dude, who exactly are u. Please give me some reason why I sould listen to you! Sarah seems to think ur pretty mad thou. You are a mole!

DEAR ANONYMOUS,

IF YOU HAVE TO ASK WHO I AM YOU REALLY SHOULD BE GETTING READY TO SPEND A LONG TIME WITH ME IN YOUR FUTURE.

I WAS THE CHIEF IN THE HIERARCHY OF HEAVEN, AND AS PRE-EMINENT AMONG ALL CREATED BEINGS IN BEAUTY, POWER, AND WISDOM. GOD ALLOTTED DOMINION AND POWER OVER THE EARTH TO ME; AND EVEN AFTER MY FALL FROM GRACE, I STILL RETAIN, IF NOT ALL, SOME OF THIS POWER AND STATUS.

MY SIN WAS PRIDE, AN ACT OF PURE EGOISM AND MALICE, ABOVE ANYTHING ELSE AND TO THE EXCLUSION OF EVERYTHING, WITHOUT THE EXCUSE OF IGNORANCE.

AS GOVERNOR OF HEAVEN, I WAS SEATED NEXT TO THE LORD; BUT AS SOON AS GOD LEFT HIS SEAT, SWELLING WITH PRIDE, I WOULD SIT MYSELF ON THE HEAVENLY THRONE. A INDIGNANT MICHAEL (THE ARCHANGEL) BATTLES WITH ME, AND AFTER A ANGELICAL WAR, SUCCEEDS IN BANISHING ME AND MY FOLLOWERS FROM HEAVEN, CASTING ALL DOWN TO THE INFERNAL DWELLING RESERVED FOR ALL ETERNITY. THE ONE ONCE CALLED LUCIFER IN HEAVEN, WAS NOW NAMED SATAN ON EARTH; THE ANGELS THAT JOINED WITH ME BECAME THE DEMONS, OF WHOM I AM LORD.

SARAH KNOWS WHERE I AM COMING FROM, AND I SUPPORT HER IN HER CHOICES TO EXPRESS HER OWN THOUGHTS, FEELINGS AND DESIRES. THE INTERNET IS A GREAT RESOURCE TO SEARCH FOR NEW AND UNUSUAL MEANS TO ENTERTAIN THEMSELVES.

YOU ARE ENTITLED TO THINK THAT I AM A MOLE, BUT REMEMBER THIS: MOLES LIVE UNDERGROUND AND SO DO I

SHAKING IN HIS SHOES

2005-05-02T09:13:00.000-07:00

I REFER YOU TO A POST FROM GOD.

DOES THOU SHAKE IN FEAR GOD? WHILE YOU MAY HAVE STARTED THE INTERNET BLOG. I DID STATE THIS IN MY FIRST ENTRY. BUT AS FOR STEALING IDEAS, DON’T GET ME STARTED. FOR EVERY CREATION THAT I MADE YOU TOOK ALL THE CREDIT, THAT’S WHY I STARTED THE REBELLION. I MAY HAVE LOST THE BATTLE, BUT THE WAR IS NOT OVER.

An extraordinary woman in a mediocre life asked...
two little questions...who invented porn..? u or God? and who invented fuck-me shoes? you or God?

WHILE GOD MAY SAY I INVENTED THE FUCK ME SHOES, THE FUCK ME BOOTS WHERE A JOINT DECISION FROM GOD AND MYSELF.THERE IS NOTHING FINER THAN A WOMAN IN FUCK ME BOOTS. AS THEY GO ALL THE WAY UP AND ALL THE WAY BACK DOWN AGAIN. PLUS IN A MINI SKIRT OR A PAIR OF DENIM SHORTS THE MERE THOUGHT OF IT, I'D GO TO HELL FOR THAT, HANG ON I'M ALREADY THERE.

I’D TELL YOU ABOUT MY FAVOURITE VIEWING OF FMBS BUT YOU’D THINK THAT I’VE BEEN WATCHING YOU TOO OFTEN…

PORN WAS INVENTED WHEN THE VIRGIN MARY BENT DOWN IN FRONT OF THREE WISE MEN. THIS STARTED THE EARLY VERSION OF VOYEURISM THAT MANY MALE MORTALS STILL SHOW THE TRAITS OF MY EARLY INTERVENTION IN THIS MANNER.

WATCH THE EYES OF ANY MAN WHEN YOU EITHER SIT DOWN WITH A SHORT SKIRT ON WITH YOUR LEGS SLIGHTLY APART.
OR WHEN YOUR WALKING UP THE STAIRS, IF A MAN IS WALKING BEHIND YOU I CAN GUARANTEE THAT HE IS THINKING LUSTFUL THOUGHTS.

THOU HAS A WISE MIND

2005-04-27T20:30:00.000-07:00

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON’T CONSULT LUCIFER:

A NEW BRITAIN HIGH SCHOOL DRUM MAJOR HAS ENLISTED THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION OF CONNECTICUT AFTER HE WAS DISCIPLINED FOR POSTING A PROFANITY-LACED ENTRY IN AN ONLINE JOURNAL.

DANIEL GOSTIN, 18, A SENIOR, WAS STRIPPED OF HIS DRUM MAJOR POSITION, GIVEN AN IN-SCHOOL SUSPENSION AND BARRED FROM PARTICIPATING IN MUSIC-RELATED EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES AND PERFORMANCES FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE YEAR.

NOW IF HE HAD JUST ASKED FOR ASSISTANCE WITH HIS DRUMMING OR HOW MUCH HE SHOULD HAVE BRIBED HIS SCHOOL TEACHERS, I COULD HAVE HELP HIM. NOW ITS IN GOD’S HANDS, AND ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS ASK ME FOR A SMALL FEE I WOULD HAVE HELPED.
THAT’S WHY I STILL SAY GOD MAY BE GOOD BUT I’M BETTER.

Tucker said... Eternal damnation without relief, shit. I'm screwed.I just want to know if there is going to be any good parties being held?If there is, is there a way we can get a day pass cause I dont want to loose my dicipleship with God.

TUCKER , I AM TRYING TO ARRANGE TRIPS UP TO HEAVEN FOR MY MINIONS, HOWEVER IF I DO ORGANISE A PARTY I WILL ORGANISE WITH GOD A 2 WAY TICKET.

Sarah said... hey satan, is the depiction of you in the south park movie accurate? i mean would you ever have a love affair with saddam hussain?

SARAH WHILE I DID FIND THE SOUTH PARK MOVIE AMUSING, I CAN OFFICIALLY DECLARE THAT I DID NOT HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH SADDAM HUSAIN. IT DOESN’T HELP THAT HE IS NOT DEAD YET EITHER, BUT IF HIS LITTLE SISTER IS STILL WAITING FOR ME IN A FEW MORE YEARS I WONT SAY NO BUT SHE MUST SHAVE OFF HER MOUSTACHE. FACIAL HAIR ON A MAN IS ACCEPTABLE BUT FACIAL HAIR ON A WOMAN, ITS JUST DOWN RIGHT DISGUSTING

Sarah said... commenting on my own comment... would you say the depiction of you in little nicky is more acurate? kudos for the boobs on that guys head if you are!!!

SARAH YET AGAIN I CAN ANSWER THIS EASILY. I DON’T MIND HAVING BREASTS ON MY HEAD BUT THEY DO NOT BELONG TO ME.

ozbhoy said... Are you going to credit Rowan Atkinson with that little speech or are you just going to steal it and pretend it's your own!!If you do you really are a devil.

OZBHOY WHILE I DO ENJOY MORTAL COMEDY IT IS MUCH BETTER THAN LISTENING TO THE DEMONS TELLING THEIR JOKES. YOU MUST REMEMBER CAUSE I AM THE DEVIL PLAGIARISM IS ONE OF MY VIRTUES.

ROWAN ATKINSON IS ONE FUNNY MORTAL, ONE OF MY FAVOURITE LINES TO USE DOWN HERE TO THE DEMONS IS “WHAT STARTS WITH COME HERE AND ENDS WITH OWW”. NOW YOU CAN EXPLAIN TO BO PEEP'S SHEEP WHY I CALL GOD CLIFF.

Freedom Girl said... How cool! Now I have two perspectives to ponder....
A couple questions:Why are your many names so hard to pronounce? Mephistopheles, Beelezebub, Asmodai ,Apollyon ,Angra, Mainyu, etc...& I'm curious, are YOU the reason that WalMart exists?

AH FREEDOM GIRL, YOU HAVE STUMBLED APON A FEW MY FAVOURITE THINGS. CONFUSING MORTALS, AND WALMART. FOR ANY STORE THAT I CAN PLACE NUMEROUS ITEMS AND FIND A WAY TO HAVE HUMANS SEARCH FOR BETTER BARGAINS, WHILE YET AGAIN BEING ASSISTED BY NAIVE YOUNG SALES PEOPLE WHO DON’T CARE IF YOU FIND WHAT YOUR LOOKING FOR.

AS FOR MY MANY NAMES I CAN DIRECT YOU TO A LIST OF OVER 1,600. WHILE I TEND TO PAY MUCH ATTENTION MAY OF THEM BEELZEBUB IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITES, MY REASONS ARE MANY BUT TRY ASKING SOMEONE TO SAY IT WITH THEIR MOUTHFUL. THE MERE SOUND OF IT NOW PUTS A SMILE ON MY FACE.

HannoverFist said... Great Dark One,Thanks for the inside info - interesting. As far as that escapee goes, you may wish to make a real example of him. There's this film maker dude named Carpenter who went off and made a two hour documentary on the freaky SOB a couple decades ago. It got quite a bit of press. I dunno if you're into the publicity, but I thought you'd appreciate the heads up.

I WAS HESITANT WHEN I MADE CARPENTER FAMOUS. FOR THE LAST TIME THERE WAS A CARPENTER (EVEN THOUGH IT WAS HIS TRADE NOT HIS NAME) MADE FAMOUS HIS QUEST STARTED A NEW FOLLOWING AND HIS NAME IS STILL POPULAR TODAY, I STILL PREFER THE CURSE VERSION OF HIS NAME THOUGH.

THOU HAS BITTEN THE APPLE

2005-04-26T02:57:00.000-07:00

IN ANSWER TO Bo Peep's Sheep QUESTION:

Hello Lucifer. Why did you call GOD Cliff? Is GOD actually... CLIFF RICHARD?It would explain so much.Is it hot in here or is it me?Peeps Sheep formally DiGallagher

WE TRY AND KEEP THINGS INFORMAL HERE AS WELL AS INFERNAL (THAT’S JUST A LITTLE JOKE)

NOW WHEN YOU EITHER JOIN GOD OR MYSELF FOR ETERNITY, WHICH I DON’T HAVE TO TELL YOU IS A SOD OF A LONG TIME, SO YOU'LL GET TO KNOW EVERYONE PRETTY WELL BY THE END.

OH YES I MUST REMIND YOU BEFORE ANY OF YOU COME AND JOIN ME, WE DON’T HAVE ANY TOILETS DOWN HERE. FOR IF YOU ALL READ YOUR BIBLE, YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN THAT THERE WAS DAMNATION WITHOUT RELIEF. SO IF YOU DON’T GO BEFORE YOU COME I’M AFRAID YOU’RE NOT GOING TO ENJOY YOURSELF, BUT I BELIEVE THAT’S THE IDEA.

WHEN YOU COME DOWN YOU WILL BE SPLIT INTO GENERAL GROUPS:

MURDERERS, LOOTERS AND PILLAGERS, THIEVES AND BANK MANAGERS

FORNICATORS WHICH THERE ARE USUALLY A LOT OF SO I DIVIDE THEM INTO TWO GROUPS ADULTERERS AND THE REST. ADULTERERS PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU JUST FORM A LINE INFORM OF THE SMALL GUILLOTINE

ATHEISTS, WELL BY THIS STAGE YOU’D FEEL LIKE RIGHT BUNCH OF CHARLIE’S BY NOW WOULDN'T YOU...

AND EVERYONE THAT SAW MONTY PYTHON’S LIFE OF BRIAN (AH, YES I’M AFRAID HE CANT TAKE A JOKE AFTER ALL)

NOW ONE FINAL THING, WE ARE TRYING TO IMPLEMENT SOME KIND OF AN EXCHANGE SCHEME WITH THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY, OR CLIFF AS YOU GET TO KNOW HIM, SOME OF YOU WILL GET TO TRAVEL UP AND HAVE A DECADE IN HEAVEN AND WE’RE HAVING SOME ANGELS DOWN HERE.

NOW I HARDLY NEED TELL YOU THAT IN HEAVEN YOU NEED TO EXEMPLIFY IN A PERFECT MANNER, SO I HOPE YOU DO THE EXACT OPPOSITE TO IT. YOU KNOW TEAR OFF THEIR WINGS; USE THEIR HALOS FOR FRISBEE PRACTICE, JUST GENERAL FUN AND VILE GAMES.

SO I HOPE IN A LONG WINDED WAY THAT HAS ANSWERED THY QUESTION.

LATER ON IN THE EVENING HannoverFist REQUESTED AN ANSWER TO A FEW GOOD QUESTIONS:

Greetings Lord of Darkness,Great to see that you have offered up an alternative to speaking with Him.

I AM ALWAYS WILLING TO LISTEN, EVEN DELIVER IF YOU CAN PAY ME YOUR DUES

So, I see that like God, you live in the Antarctic region (The 7th Layer no less). So, what's the deal with the antient alien city down there? Are there any shoggoths still roaming about?

AH MORTAL WITH KNOWLEDGE OF THE OLD TIMES. FOR IT WAS EARLY IN THE DAYS (WHEN I WAS STILL IN HEAVEN) WITH GOD THAT HE INSPIRED ME TO CREATE THE ELDER THINGS. YET AGAIN HE TOOK CREDIT FOR MY WORKS AND I ENSURED THAT THE SHOGGOTHS GAINED THE INTELLIGENCE TO DO AS THEY DESIRED.

THEY STILL LOVE CRUSHING THE FRANTIC PENGUINS, AS LONG AS THEY ARE HAPPY KILLING AND I LEAVE THEM BE. MIND YOU THOUGH LAST TIME THEY WHERE UNHAPPY I LET THEM PLAY WITH CAPTAIN TITUS OATES FOR EVEN OLD TITUS TOLD SCOTT "I'M GOING OUTSIDE, I MAY BE SOME TIME" I MUST ASK THE SHOGGOTHS WHAT HAPPENED...

Also, I heard a while back than an 100,000-yr-old alien spacecraft was found in the ice by some Norwegians, and I guess a suvivor of the crash made it to a US reseach camp (Outpost #31). It's apparently really weird and pissed off, whatever it is. I imagine it would probably fit right in with you and your pals.

WHAT ONE OF MY ETERNALLY DAMMED HAS ESCAPED! I WILL HAVE ONE MY DEMONS SEVERELY PUNISHED FOR THIS, NO TRIPS TO EARTH OR HEAVEN FOR HIM.

BTW - Do you ever get heartburn and, if so, what do you do for it?

NEVER YET HAVE I HAD HEARTBURN, BUT I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT SOME VILE MORTAL DRINK I HAD THE OTHER DAY. SLURPEE... BRAIN FREEZE THAT SHIT IS JUST NOT GOOD FOR YOU.

JUST REMEMBER THIS: GOD MAY BE GOOD BUT I'M BETTER

GO ON BITE THE APPLE

2005-04-25T03:12:00.000-07:00

madeliza said...
hiya lucifer!just droppin by to say im a big fan of your work!continue with the evil!love ellie!

THANK YOU MADELIZA, FOR YOUR LOVELY COMMENTS. PLEASE LET ME KNOW YOUR DEEPEST DARKEST DESIRE AND I SHALL ENSURE THAT I CAN COME UP WITH A SOLUTION THAT WILL HELP BOTH OF US PROSPER

GOD said...
HI LUCY!JUST HERE TO WISH YOU GOOD LUCK ON YOUR NEW ENDEAVOR!NOW DON'T CROSS ME, BITCH!A BLESSING UPON YOUR EVILNESSES!!

YET AGAIN CLIFF, I HAVE A BIT OF A QUESTION FOR YOU. WHY DO YOU INSIST ON CALLING ME LUCY? FOR YOU KNOW THAT THATS WHAT STARTED THE LAST RUMBLE THAT HAD ME BARRED FROM YOUR LOVELY HOUSE.

I DO NOT SEE THE PROBLEM WITH USING HALOS FOR A FRIZBEES, AND HOW'S ARCHANGEL MICHELANGELO'S WINGS THESE DAYS?

I'M YOUR MAN

1999-12-31T14:59:00.000-08:00

I FEAR THAT I HAVE BEEN LURKING IN THE SHADDOWS FOR TOO LONG AND THAT GOD HAS FOUND A NEW MEANS TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU ALL.

WHILST I DONT WANT TO APPEAR TO BE BEHIND THE TIMES.

I PRESENT TO YOU:
CONSULT LUCIFER, UNLEASH YOUR DARK SIDE.

IF YOU FEEL IT’S TOO DARK FOR GOD TO ANSWER I'M YOUR MAN GO ON TAKE A BITE OF THE APPLE...